Matt Meets Facebook
by Tawnyshine
Summary: He's not even supposed to HAVE a facebook, let alone know that they redid the interface! Yet Matt is just hell bent on taking a tour of the FB Headquarters... crack, started like.. when I met Abyssehness . . FINISHED LAST NIGHT  :D


**HA. I had to do this x3**

**And I apologise in advance to anybody who is easily offended... I have no ill intent towards people with Down Syndrome, and I was in no way trying to harm others. I just thought it would be funny if Mello said something about Near having the disorder.**

**And when Matt says stuff like WTF and OMG... I don't mean for you to read it like what the fuck and oh my god.**

**... **

**I mean for you to read it like 'doubleyuu tee eff' and 'oh em gee'. **

**But please, after reading this, look at the "Behind the New Facebook Layout" by Juliansmith87 on Youtube. It's priceless!**

_Matt Meets Facebook_

Mail Jeevas was feeling pretty good at the moment.

Standing outside of the Facebook headquarters, he took a teep breath, smelling the Facebook-eyness of the air. He flicked open his Nintendo DSI and snapped a picture of the front.

"And this, dear Mello, is what a gamer considers a highlight in his life," he said to a boy standing beside him who looked very bored and somewhat peeved at his best friend's decision to stop at the Facebook headquarters for 'fun' on the one day they get to stop worrying about Kira.

"I honestly don't know what Facebook has to do with being a gamer, Matt," another boy, slightly shorter, with white hair and pale, pale skin said, standing on the other side of Matt, more than likely to keep as much distance between him and the hot-headed blonde who wanted nothing but Near's head hanging over his fireplace.

"You're kidding, right, Near?" Matt asked. "It's not just _Facebook!_ It's the graphics, the programming, and it's the layout, which they've updated, and it's the logo, so simple, yet so powerful, because it's that one little abbreviation, that one little 'FB' that gets people all over the world chatting about what's on their mind. Get it now?"

"Well... that was..." Mello said, not finding a word that wouldn't offend his friend. "Passionate, I guess," he said indifferently.

"I know right?" Matt said with a goofy grin, pointing his DSI to Mello and hitting **record.**

"Get that thing away from me," Mello grumbled and stepped off-camera. Matt pointed to Near.

"Hey, sheep, go stand in front of that blue wall over there. You could be Facebook's spokesperson if we're lucky."

"No."

"Aww, c'mon!"

"Matt, you're being childish and slightly offending," he stated simply. "Could we just get this tour over with?"

Matt sighed. "Fine. You guys are lucky I paid for tour tickets online, they don't sell them in person." He stopped recording and walked through the double doors.

But the minute he walked through, he flipped the cammera back on. "We're about to get a tour of Facebook, one of the world's largest online communities!"

"You don't have to narrate-"

"Hey, guys!" Matt suddenly said, "They changed the layout online-"

"Hoy would you know, Matt?" Mello asked, "Roger won't let us get a Facebook!"

"Let me finish! They changed the layout online, let's see if they've gotten anything new in their HQ!"

"Did he just say 'HQ', Mello?" Near whispered in Mello's ear. Mello was too annoyed at Matt to care about the close proximity.

"Oh, yeah. Wait til he gets excited. He says stuff like 'BRB' and 'IKR'. It's annoying as fuck." He suddenly realized how close Near was to him, and flinched away. "Even more annoying than you!"

They walked down a brightly lit hall with lots of windows, and Matt stopped walking in front of a blue wall with the word 'facebook' in the middle of it.

"Hey, Near, that's three-demensional enough. Go sit on it."

"But I don't want-"

"I'll burn Optimus Prime with my cigarette and say it was an accident," he said as an employee walking by snubbed out Matt's cigarette that he had just lit.

"... fine. Help me up," he said, walking over to the wall. Matt locked his hands together and Near stepped in them as Matt lifted him onto the 3-D Facebook logo.

"You're pretty heavy... for a sheep, Sheep," Matt said, breathless, as he stood up and Near was on the logo.

"Matt, sheep generally weigh a few hundred pounds. While I'm about seventeen, I still weigh under eighty."

"Because you have Down Syndrome," Mello butted in.

"... But Mels, he's not retarded... and he doesn't look like he has Down Syndrome," Matt pointed out.

"How can you look like you have Down Syndrome?" Mello asked.

"Well, you know," Matt said, shrugging and looking around. "They all look the same," he said.

"Mello, I assure you I don't have Down Syndrome."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Matt said, waving him off, raising his DSI. "Now do that thing you do with your leg."

"...?"

"You know, sit with it brought up to your chin."

"Oh. Alright, then." Near let his right leg dangle over the second 'o' in 'book' and brought his left knee up to his chin, leaning on the stem of the 'k'.

"Perfect." Matt took a picture. It was an added bonus that Near was already involuntarily twirling his hair. He grinned. That would be something to post on The Wall of Facebook.

The Wall. Not just the wall. It was The Wall.

**The Wall.**

It was the very first wall in Facebook. Ever. And it was Facebook's wall, too!

Facebook had it's own Facebook.

That was awesome.

That was a paradox, though, something that would send one of his favorite video game characters into a hysteric break down.

Don't think about it. Stay GLaD!

"Excuse me," a girl with blondish brownish hair and green eyes came up to them and tapped Matt on the shoulder. "I'm Debbie. You're here for the tour, correct? You can't smoke in here," she said, for Matt had lit another cigarette.

"Yeah, that's right," he said, taking a drag and pinching it out, pocketing it for later.

"Okay, and you have your tickets? Right then. Sign this clipboard, both of you," she said to Matt and Mello, clearly not noticing the white boy among the white words. Mello suppressed a smirk. The woman prattled off about things they couldn't touch and people they couldn't talk to. Matt was off in his own little world about actually meeting a programmer in person and Mello just didn't give a shit. Near was still stranded on the Facebook logo, not speaking, trusting Matt to say something (because we all know Mello wouldn't if his life depended on it). He didn't.

"Hello?" she said, waving her hand in front of Matt and snapping his DSI shut.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I got it. No smoking, don't talk to the coordinate director, and don't touch that," Matt pointed to the Facebook logo. The woman glanced at it. She looked at it for a while as if she noticed something. Near looked her in the eye. Finally, shaking her head as if she decided nothing was wrong, she snapped her fingers and led the two boys off down the hall, which was littered with various graffiti that Matt was positive was done purposely.

"Now," Debbie said, waving her hand around to gesture to the room. "This is where-"

"I know what this is!" Matt exclaimed, snapping pictures with his DSI and walking around. "This is the room! The room! You know, Mels, the room where they plan everything, with the computers and the whiteboards, and the sketchy... things, and the... You know, The Room!"

"... No. No I don't."

"... OMG."

". . . Mello please make him stop," an exhausted Near said from behind Mello, who jumped.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE Y-"

"Language, please, sir," Debbie interrupted.

"-OU DOING HERE?"

"Taking a tour that Matthew paid for."

Meanwhile, Matt was jumping up and down in front of a whiteboard. "Is this it? Is this it? This is it, isn't it? This is the whiteboard! The one that started everything? !" Debbie had moved to his side, trying to pacify him.

"Uh, sir? Could you please refrain from- Sir!"

Matt was picking up Expo markers.

"Sir, you can't do-"

"Is this The Drawing Board? Like... 'Back to the Drawing Board~'? I bet it is. This is," he looked into his DSI camera. "Guys, this is where everything started. This board," he pointed the camera to the board.

"Sir, please stop," Debbie said uselessly.

"This board is where Facebook planned EVERYTHINGGG."

"... No, it's not. That was done on a comp- Sir," she grabbed his arm, to which he looked rather uncomfortable, for he had started to erase various writings off this 'Drawing Board'.

"What? Look! I'm drawing on the Drawing Board!" Matt said, pointing the DSI to the board again and theatrically making an etiquitte loopy thing.

"Sir, you can't do tha-"

"OMG LOOK THERE ARE COMPUTERS HERE."

"... uh, yeah," Mello said, in the process of shaking Near off his leg. "This is Facebook. They're gonna have those here."

"Shoosh, Mels. They DID change the layout!"

"Yes, yes we did," the guy at the computer said with an amused smile.

"Oh, hey, that's new!"

"What?"

"The scrolly thingy on the chat bar."

"... no, that's always been there."

"Mmm, no, I'm pretty sure that wasn't there the last time I logged in."

"Matt! You're not even supposed to HAVE a Facebook!"

"If that's true," Debbie said, "why are you here? Do your parents know about this?"

"Parents are dead, sweet cheeks," Mello said passively.

"Oh, I'm sorry... eh," she said as Matt conversed with a few programmers, "guardia-"

"We're orphans," Near, who was still clinging to Mello's leg (he had stopped trying to fling him off), said.

"Oh... okay," she said quietly, but jumped as Matt yelled something.

"Hey, you guys are updating the interface, right?"

The staff nodded, agreeing in monotonous unison.

"Have you updated the interface of this room?" Matt asked, setting his DSI on a table and looking around, rubbing his hands.

A few people answered '... no?'

"No? Great! I arrived just in time! Let's see, the chairs can go over _there_..."

"Sir, no," Debbie said.

"And we can move this table..."

"Matt," Mello said, "I wouldn't..."

"_Here..._"

"Security! Can we get secutiry in here?"

"Oh, no! No no no no you do not wanna do that!" Matt said, as he began getting surrounded by men wearing black shirts.

"Can't we work this out?" One grabbed his shoulder. "I'm just gonne... _move_ over here," he said, slipping out of his grasp, "and grab my DS, hey, HEY don't touch me there! That hold is illegal!" he said, ducking under a table to get away from them.

"Sir, if you could please just- sir, please just cooperate," Debbie followed the mob of secutiry around as they stalked Matt. Mello was facepalming, and Near was genuinely scared Matt was going to jail.

Matt was just worried that he couldn't get to his DSI.

"Uhhh," he evaded the coppers- ah, I mean security guards, yeah, security guards... ^^;- by jumping on a nearby bean bag. "You know, these really do not match the decor," he said, trying to make conversation with the guards. "I mean, yellow and red bean bags in a blue room."

... the room was made out of brick...

"Matt, just GET OUT!" Mello yelled. Near nodded, and Mello kidked his leg against a wall, giving Near a headache. "Don't you dare agree with me."

"OW!" Near complained.

The guards had each taken a corner of the beanbag, and were now dragging Matt, who didn't have a say in the matter, across the room to the door.

"Hey, you can't- hey! My DSI! No! No, no no no n-"

"Matt, **shut up.**" Mello said.

"But my DSI D:" Matt said, because somewhere in the midst of all this, he developed emoticon power. Debbie moved to grab it. "DON'T TOUCH THAT, I WILL SUE YOUR ASS, YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU OWN. YOU AND EVERY. THING. YOU. OWN."

"... Sir, can I hand this to y-"

"EVERY. THING. YOU. OWWWWWN."

"..." Debbie looked at Mello, pleading with her eyes for help.

"Matt, can I get it for you?"

"Yes, please."

"..."

Just then, the guards had managed to set the beanbag upright, causing Matt to slide off and onto the floor with an '_oof_''.

Debbie looked at Mello and Near.

"I think you should go," she said.

"Yeah," Mello said, embarrasedly hurried, and grabbed Matt's DSI.


End file.
